***Aby & Bby***



Me n my baby photo..in hp quite nice sia..v cute..heex..but upload comp li jialat sia..black black de..i mus go get a digital cam liao..den can take mei mei de w my baby..lol ..after some editing..it become brighter abit..lol



***so bored today***

so bored..no mood study today..think slack 1st..tonight den study den tml get notes frm fren..yawnx...really wish can wrk dix weekend sia..cox really no $ le..den somemre if same plcae as baby..i can see him...but even nt same place at least i can occupy myself w wrk so i wont pester him so much..but too bad la..no wrk..sian..so sian...gotta miss baby
i thinkin when baby go army i how sia..i few days only i will be him li hell..hmm....so i decide for now i will still miss him li hell as usual...when he go army..den say ba...luv u..and will wait for u..



***Happy today .. s0 happy today***

i am so happy today.. today really spent a happy day w baby..though is only few hrs but the feeling is so gd..so happy..we play we laugh..he make me feel love...he make me love him more...for today only 1 wrd..HAPPY..heex..
hope he enjoy as much as me..i really hope tt..if everyday could be so happy..it will be so gd...i love u...



***class Steamboat Today***

Heex..today went marina bay steamboat..ate of alot of meat..haha..getting fatter sia..die..haha..had a little beer today as well..sian..cox i dont really like beer tt much..perfer other kind of alcohol..haha.
today went go makan w class frenx..feel so relax..make me forget my pain..
and also i did miss him today...miss him so much..but he li doesnt seems to miss me tt much..nvm..
as long as he knows i miss him alot..and he did miss me a little..heex..jux a little i m contented...
as long as he love me n miss me...no matter how much..i'll be contented...cox i simply jux love him too much le =)...
k today nthin much to write ar..k..so long..bye..will be back soon..haha



***Feel so stoopid today***

I feel so stoopid today..
i Had a wonderful day w my baby today, we went swimming. quite nice swimming partner..
love him so much...
today actually feel happy but duno y the bleeding heart remind me of sthing..
i actually stoopidly cried infront of him..feel so stoopid...i didnt say y cox i felt its unnecessary...
i cried because i love him...love him too much make me so scared so afraid...afraid of losing him..
the more i love him, the more i expect and the maybe the more he turn away from me..i m scared tt will happen...
duno wad to do....nthing culd be done..the love i have for him keep pouring in li a tap tts is spoil canot close...
i can only continue, i cant stop...but i feel so scared....haix...
Arghx...today such a happy day y m i so bothered by tt..haix...
damn...i hate myself...



***bleeding bleeding bleeding***

bleeding non-stop and its painful..y cant he treat me better...
everytime i have to act as if i m so understanding and giving in to him..i feel terrible..
come to think of it..he evrytime give in to the ex..but now i have to everytime give in to him...didnt he know dix is un healthy..didnt he know th eone always giving in feels so damn terrible....crying now..cant help it..controlling so damn hard..my family is at home..cant let dem see..can only control my tears...i hate dix feeling..
my fren say its nt worth it crying for him..he doesnt even care for your feelings, why shld u cry for him...
but i cant help it..i guess i fall too deep..too deep to come back...too deep t listen to any1 advice...too deep to turn back..
i rather he kil me now..den treating me so coldly...
stimes really wish to die frm my chest pain and breathing difficulty..so its seems li fate tt i die..no one will blame me...n i wont be able to feel the pain anymore...
wish i can die earlier sometimes....i m so sick..too sick of life...
really sick of life..never been so sick of it b4...



***whEn can i reCover?***

I feel better than yesterday le..but when everytime i came to think of it, my heartaches, my tears stills falls...its still painful, its still bleeding in the mid-air..
the feeling sux..wish that i could die now...
I really wish i could die now...



***I love him i really do***

m i creating too strongly today..
i m jux a normal gal, i get jealous too. i m afraid can feel insecure too..
he say i doesnt trust him..but i was jux afraid..i m really afraid tt one day if his ex really will to li come back to him...n i noe he still love the ex..he will definately patch up w her again..
i m afraid tt he will leave me..i love him i really do..
today i feel so ..li a pestering rat..keep questioning him keept blaming him..feel so bad..
but all i wan is an ans..an ans telling me he love me..n will love me no matter what happen..even his ex wanna go back to him one day..i jux wan tt..tt to make me feel secure...i feeling so insecure now,i dont even noe how to trust...what shld i do...
i wanted to trust hiim so much y couldnt i..
y couldnt he assured me instead of saying tt he dono everything...he feel so lost now..i noe..
he feel lost i m more lost..i need a confirm ans..my heart is hanging in mid air bleeding..non-stop
baby i will love u to the day my heart cant bleed anymore when my heart is out of blood n dries up.....and untill tt day i will love no one else anymore...nt even myself.. i guess..



***whEn can i reCover?***





***It is painful..really painful***

nv did i feel so painful b4..tears jux wont stop..my heart nv feel so pain b4..i cant breath anymre..
isit wrong tt i say ask tt if he get over his ex already...he reacted pissed off..he is the one who is hurting me
he wanted to get back w his ex..but y does he make me love him mre n mre..he wanted her back..i can feel tt..
i m lost..shld i let him go or wad..he has make me love him so much now...i duno wad to do really..i cant breath anymore..so hurt



***i regretted***

i regretted reading his blog..
i read his blog..i noe tt i shld nt cox i jux noe i will get hurt..
my heart is bleeding now..the pain is unbearable..
i noe frm the start he cant get over his ex..but i still agree a r/s w him cox i love him..
but i rather nt believe it..
its painful..maybe it retribution..how i make my ex hurt..is how i get hurt now..



***I m so sad***

i fail my exam..i m so sad..i did study for it but i still fail..i feel so sad n dix time round i have stoopid tots...i m so sick of life..u need to be troubled of all things...feel li dyin..sounds so stoopid saying dix but tt is really what i m thinking now...
jux feel no one cares bt me...i noe my family cares but dey duno wad i m really feeling no one does..
no one can give me the comfort tt i need now...no one no one...
even him, the one i expect him to understand, expect him to give me the comfort i need...he aso cant..who who else can give me any comfort...
No one...
i feel so depressed now..so damn depressed...mayb dix is how my dad is feeling tt time...mayb worst of cox..haix
depression ppl say can be frm generation to generation..i wonder izzit true..
haix
i m so sad..cryin non-stop now..lucky no one at home if nt i gonna let dem worry again...haix
stop here for now



***A blog Message for Weechou***

Baby i duno if u will ever have a chance to read my blog..if u happens to read it..
jux wanna let u noe..really love u..
To be honest, the feelings i had for u n my ex is quite diff..
it may sounds cruel to my ex..nt tt i nv ever love him b4..jux as compare..i myself clearly understand one fact...i love u more than the love i had w my ex...
mayb u cant get over ur ex..which is kinda hurting to me..but i noe i cant do anythin bt it except keep on loving..jux li the 1st day i agree to a r/s w u..go on and on untill one day u decide to break my heart..even it mayb hurtin..i think i will have no regrets in agreeing to a r/s w u frm the start...
i know very clearly i am nt a gd gf n infact sometimes i m nt mature enugff..forgive me..jux letting u know..one thing for sure is i really love u..
and it feel so real...
sometimes i imagine u leaving me...jux imagine make my heartache...cant imagaine tt u really leave me..how it will feel???
haix..
future things i duno..now i no longer believe in forever thing le
jux hope we love each other whole heartedly now..do everything we could for dix r/s...give it the best shot and no regrets....if it wrk out fine n we stays on its the best..if nt at least we did try..

weechou promise me something jux let me know face to face immediately frm the day u feel tt u dont love me n doesnt need me at all to be around by ur side Anymore..okay?
Love u frm jas to chou



***A blog Message for Jordan***

Jordan i know u have been reading my blog..
i m sorry not replying all your smses but i jux duno wad to reply..
i feel so guilty lo let ur love towards me down..i nv wanna contact u or see u is cox i will feel so guilty..be it i m nt mature enugff or wad..or i can say is sorry..
mayb many yrs later down the road..let me know tt u r happy w ur life..found ur own happiness..by tt time den mayb i have the courage to face u again..
Jordan..promise me something..the last promise i ask from u..
find some1 tt u love n she can love u forever..be happy..mus have happiness..ok..u dont have to reply me...i know u will be able to read dix somehow..
i really wish u all the best in everything ur career n ur love life...
Sorry from jas to jor



***Sorry my family***

I feel so sorry i make my family worried so much.
My bro suggest me take a break..i agree w him the fact tt mayb i m nt ready but i cant let go..
i wanna stop crying but i cant get thru him at all, what happen to him, he dont wanna hear me he dont wanna contact me anymore or what..my fren say i think too much, but i cant help it...
can u plx contact me now..i really wanna talk to u so i'll feel better



***...***

i think he really dont need him, though i need him alot but if he doesnt need me, i rather he tell me n i'll leave, i dont wanna continue love when he doesnt need my love at all, i m li extra..
i spend my whole afternoon..planning his present but he totally forgets about me and enjoy w his frenx..he barely wanna talk to me anymore..i feel so xin ku...



***i wish i could see him***

i wish i could see him now, him to comfort me..haix
i cant take dix anymre..
maybe i shld jux relax and take the exam..settle things one by one....
haix
..jux wishhe could be bu my side when i faced everything
i admit i m nt a independent gal..i need some1 to be always w me to take care of me..



***Wo xin qing bu hao***

Wo xin qing bu hao..heng bu hao
i duno who to talk to..
baby is enjoyin outside w his frenx and seems very bz to talk to me..sounded so cold..haix
i cant memorise my exam stuff, i cant pay my bills n its kena cut, i have no$ to pay, cant let my mom know abt it...cant let my bro know bt it..haix..and i so much wanted to get sthin nice for baby but i have totally no time, no idea, no$ to get it...haix
i m at the edge le, what shall i do.. ='(
i really feel li cryin now..i need some1 w me but i cant find any...cant..where are u when i need u..i cant blame u..cant expect u to be 24hrs w me...i jux need some1 w me when i feel so sad..so lost.....what shall i do... ...
... what shall i do...
didnt wanna cry but tears jux wont stop..it jux keept coming out keep coming out..



***Thinking Time***

Friday i actually didnt plan to go out at all but he sms me call me go out...i like to be with him but i m so tired..in the end in order to see him..i went out movie with him...
Yesterday, saturday didnt really wanna go out aso..but same thing wanna spend time w him, so i went to buy phone with him..heex..and he accompanied go to my cousin chalet, so nice of him..den at night my bro drive him home..den when he left, on the car my bro spoke to me alot of things, starting is bt my 3rd bro, hows he n his gf tt we all dont really like..saying my mom is very worried...den he start to say y i everyday go home so late..wan me to be more sensible dont let mom worry, haix..i didnt want to, how i wish tt mom can trust i can take care of myself well, and she stop worryin, and aso my bro to trust me...
bro aso said nt to be so serious in r/s, i wan noe what he mean,,he jux simply mean tt i mus protect myself frm my bf, emotionally and most importantly physically..All the simple n usual things he said, makes me think alot...jux cant help thinking, purely thinking with no solution to it..haix..which makes me so moody...

Now home alone..when yesterday till now, i studied till li 6+am in the morning, den slp till 4pm, sianx...now eat,tv,sms,msn,blogging...slackin..sianx..no mood study again..
so sianx... ...my family all at cousin chalet, sianx...HOME ALONE..Yawnx

my bby went out w his frn gaming today, so miss him as usual, duno he miss me as much ma..haix when come to think of tt cant help being sad... I MISS U!!!

Sian sian sian sian sian sian sian.... ...
still have alot to say but duno how to put in wrds yet..all are feelings now, when i figure out how to put in wrds i'll be back to continue..'

Yawnx so tired feel li slpin again...haix..i go lie in bed le..dying soon..
BYEE



***I am so sick***

I am so sick..jux feel li slpin..totally cant study at all sia..what shld i do sia..so sian now..arghx...damn



***so sian***

Studyin halfway with the tv on..HA!..heard 李玖哲 song..so nice sia..his voice really damn nice sia..so come online to find his song...whahaha..manage to get one song call 影子..heex..nice
So sian..stuck with my bnt sia..wanna die liao la..die mus finish bnt notes by today den tml can start telesys..sianx...i wanna die le la.. sian..k..really too bo liao le..damn..230 le..damn go back study liao..Buaix..think i'll be back soon sia....lol..really so hrd to focus..hehe..
TO BE CONTINUED~