***somehow like dix..its something compose by my kor***

Love is...
We call it love when we can't leave someone and seethem crying as we try to let go.
We're wrong, it's just pity.

We call it love when we're too attachedand think that losing the one we love will somehowmake us weak and unable to face the storms of life.
We misunderstood, it's just that we'retoo much dependent to them.

We call it love when we give our whole life to them,the wholeness of us and! Imagined that if they leave,no one would accept us and our past.
We're mistaken, it's just insecurity.

But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remainsthat love isn't something you can buy or beg.

It's real and existing.

You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart.

You can't find it,but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come.

It can make you the happiest soul in heaven,but don't forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy...

By my EdwinKorKor



***True by Ryan Cabrera {love dix song}***

True by Ryan Cabrera

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waitedThis is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true



***18/06/06 Memories [aby & bby love]***


I love bby..heheheex


BBy look tired..me aso leh at least smile la at look at camera


OMG!! BBY eat TIGER HEAD!!!



Hehehe..wo yao yao ni..mei li de lao hu


Bby so cute..my bby always cute de..i love u



bby bo liao at amk walking to bus stop play w camera..lol..but quite nice ar..haaa



***18/06/06 Memories [Ke Ai Animal =)]***


Our 1st animal shot when reach zoo..isnt it cute? omg..


This orang utan couple protecting their kid from another orang utan holding a piece of wood trying to hammer them..whahaha..didnt manage to take tt photo but its hilarious..


Orang utan ah pek..hohoho..


We are lucky, zoo got new born ducking..arent they cute..omg feel li taking them home..haha but i no idea how to take care of them..


Yandao horsie sticking out tongue..lol


Baby horsie drink milk milk..Baby horsie..look li cow lo



This bird very nice lo


Baby took quite a few shots of it just to disturb it..cox it blinks its eye whenever shots are taken..cox gt flash..lol


Stupid camel posing which ugly teeth..whahahaahhaa


So cute hor


Stupid looking birdie..


Nice white tiger swimming..hehe



***17/06/06***


Bby slping by me..me playing w his cap n my phone


I love dix photo..so sweet =)


Bby zai shui jian, wo zao pai zao..heeex


Me with cap looking kinda naked..lol



***16/06/06-19/06/06 Entries-- i love u baby!!***

I gonna one shot post 4 blog..dix few day alot things wanna say but no time..so waited till today..

16/06/06 Friday
Today bby went my house watch soccer...we watch 1st 2 match but last match i watch bit nia..den i bth le..wan slp..so bby follow me to my room slp w my mom already asleep..
its a v nice feeling able to stay together and mom didnt say anithin..tot she wld mind but she didnt say anithing..dix mayb the last time bby stay my hus in short time..cox monday he booking in come out only on saturday n nxt time no world cup i no excuse for him to stay over for whole night..lol..but there will b ways de..bby love u..


17/06/06 Saturday
Actually plan to go zoo today to celebrate earlier for our anniversary which is on sunday but we too tired..afternoon den wake up..den after tt we pei my mama go hg mall awhile den we go back to yishun..ww slack awhile, he go bathe blah blah blah den we go his ah ma hus eat abit..after tt we went marina square walk arund den go makan long john...after tt we went esplande there, i bought candy floss to eat..i love candy floss...i wanted to go there v much long time nv go le...esplande park--tt place on 18/06/05 is the place tt we i really fall for him, our 1st hug, 1st kiss, 1st holding of hand is all at there..its a place filled w precious memories..the place tt i let him into my life, my heart...i treasure tt memory alot, hope he knows tt..n treasure tt part of memory too... =)


18/06/06 Sunday
Today sunday 18/06/06, out 1st Anniversary..time past really fast, it seems i jux gt to know him.our 1st met at work, Raffles Place doing roadshow only 1 day, wen ate lunch together at Mac..hmm he ate macspicy double..as for me i forgot, its either nuggets or macchicken..haha..its quite comfortable to b w him..i can talk freely nt feeling weird, its funny cox usually 1 noe a guy for 1st time i dont react the same way as i do to him... After weeks, met him again at roadshow in toapayoh, our 2nd meet..we exhange numbers tt day...didnt expect at all i will fall for him so deeply..jux tt i gt gd impression of him..heex..
Gt one day i went back to UO w my ex to take pay, on way back i saw him, i greeted him but he give me the face of "who the hell is she"..he was w a gal..."wth" is wat i m thinkin..stupid guy..

den on the yr of 2005.. i broke up w my ex..feeling kinda sian cox nt used to being alone, though i gt frens tt r w me when i needed them..So after the roadshow for UO on flexideposit, i sort of quite uo..but i went back again to do roashows on credit card cox im sian, on 12/06/05 sunday i met him again..i was having roadshow at faber hus while he having roadshow at hello shop, he saw me on sat but he nv say hi..but sunday, he end roadshow earlier den us..he came to my site..i m glad to see him again actually since i gt gd impression on him but still i nv expect he can b so important to me in my life...we went out tt day as a grp, all roadshow ppl, we walk walk talk talk say lots of thing..n he was the one saying love is nt important in life..blah blah la..end up we together tt time, he kena say by peiling..lol..
Okay..so after 12/06/05 sunday, monday i went out w mom to hg mall to do spect n buy lenses, he say wanna come hg meet me for dinner..end up we sit down talk talk n he smoke nia..den continous days he meet me..i sort of fall for him durin tt week, he asked me on 18/06/05 though we held hands, we hug, we kiss already but i asked for 1 week for me to think bt it..cox i m scared to go into r/s again..

The following week, 24/06/05 friday i was doin roadshow at expo..the rodshow is from fri to sun till 10pm everyday while he was doing roadshow at orchard for ladies card end at 7/8pm..he came all the way down frm orchard to expo to fetch me home =) i like the feeling of being cared n having the attention, so on 25/06/05 saturday, i agreed to be his baby gal n him to b my baby boi..**end story of our starting**

OKay now back to 18/06/06 sunday, we celebrate our 1st anniversary, we didnt buy anithin for each other cox we are both broke..kinda disappointed but nvm lo..is bo bian de..i dun wanna jux go town or wat li boring n wun be special so we went to zoo..lol..its fun haha but i nt tt energetic tt day cox i tired..but wasted la..but i love it v much =) its a gd anniversary =)
cox today aso falls on father day, after we went zoo, we ate at amk,den play pool for 1hr plus den we went east coast to makan w his family..nt bad ar..v full tt day..lol


19/06/06 MondaY
Today is a super tiring sick n cold day for me..morning woke up late den some mre heavy rain, i couldnt find ani umbrella..wanted to take cab but alot ppl, so ran to busstop take bus lo..the time i reach bus stop, the shirt, my jeans my hair all wet, all dripping water sia..lucky when i board the bus, aircon nt strong..of cox when i reach sch i m late la but i dont care..i take off my shirt n wear my sweater..lucly gt sweater arbo cold si in lab lo..v tiring day..wanna slp..already decided go home straight to slp today buy bby ask me go his hus take thing for him..i m so unwilling to do so lo..sian sia..plus my ezlink no $ i wanna save some $ lo..
I lazy but i still go for his sake, for the word in my heart saying i love him n is willin to do anithin for him..so i went yishun take things le take train go yew tee..i had trouble findin his camp, so i took a cab but uncle aso duno where lo..but lucky finally found it..but wasted my $..den i waited outside his camp li idiot..v dark n v scary for li half an hr..finally he out..cant talk to him much cox gt ppl..jux pass him things den i go liao...
feel so sick n tired..mayb is cox nv eat dinner n the rain dix morning..
We sms while i on my way home...he text "baby i love u"..i m happy ..i feel better.. den he said "love u alot"..i feel tt all the trouble i had taken today for him is all worth it..

I am a 2sided person..i m easily contented n aso greedy in r/s..but he only can see my greedy side..i wan him to pei me everyday, i noe its too far n unresaonable but i need time la...i m a person tt lacks sense of security..i always feel lonely..i needed attention, alot of attention..i m aso easily contented, as long as he jux say sthin li he love me..n care for me when neccessary abit..jux a few words..i will feel everythin is worthwhile even the tears i drop for him..

Ok..this blog is super long sia..bth..in nxt update i will upload photo..stay tuned..



***Thoughts***





***tots to say***

wondering abt baby past alot this few days..when i m in daze on bus, at home, bathing..thinkin alot i duno the real thing...how i wish he could tell me now...yesterday on phone w him, wanted to ask him but i didnt..i duno y..i jux ask if he love me and i ask him mus love me no matter wad...jux to calm myself n stop myself frm askin him the doubts and trouble in my heart..dix few days was kinda moody for me..wanted to hear him n him to make me laugh, so i stop myself frm askin regardin my doubts..startin was alright but in the end we went to a topic tt we've been talkin it alot of times...
~
Its career..
---
I had a 3 siblings older den me, only 1 with better education all feel sign on is nt good at all, its li no future...den i heard alot of my cousins too, the cousins tt are all older den me alot...and aso my brother-in-law which is nt well educated, he signed on b4..he knows wat it is like..tts y after the 1st bond he stop continuing and he went pursue other career..he gt all kinds of driving license for duno wat reason..he gt jobs all is regarding driving regardless of wat type of vechicle..he survive well though...
---
family side i heard too much, its a influence to me somehow, fren side..i had alot guy fwen..most close to me went thru army and all feel sign on is nt gd at all..this another influence...
---
with family n fwen influence,
i, myself tot bt it aso..army- a gov sector-wat is it?-requires gd lvl of education-to promote in terms of rank n pay--no gd lvl of education in gov sector army=slave for dem untill the age of 40 and live ur life behind tougher...
---
now i really duno..my mom has been pressuring me of his smoking..i accept it i jux ignore...she aso has been naggin to me sayin sign on nt gd...she said till as if if baby sign on i better nt be w him cox i cant have a gd life....i m a family concious person even i dun look like...i mind alot wat my family say...which i mind alot how my family wld feel bt baby..dey like baby = i love baby mre to the extent i cant live w/o him....
my fear is scared they dont like him but he dun understand..
i dun mind suffer w him forever really...but i mind too much on how my family will see him..i wan dem truely like him...
i dun mind suffer w him provided he is always hrdwrkin and put in effort in everythin he do n be confident...(i mean cant expect tt i dun mind when he laze arund right)
---
i have my worries...but aso i felt i m selfish(he selfish too but since he dont understand my worries i cant blame him)i m selfish tt i put my tots into him stoppin him frm signing on..
i said wrk, save $ and study and get on w life w effort..tts the only way ...nt only him..i myself know tt its damn damn hrd..no one said its easy..but no one said its impossible.. he asked him yesterday wat if fail, he is no longer young! i duno how to ans tt really...but at same time i m disappointed, he nv tried n he said he will fail...ya we mus think of pros n cons but this way alot ppl tried it, he's nt the only one...alot ppl succeeded..as long as u put in effort, u can do it..i deeply believe in it n believe in him but...
---
letting him off..letting him do wat he want which is to sign on- i have tot bt it b4..i have tot bt jux let him be..at least things doesnt turn out gd..he wont have an excuse to blame me..he faced his own music..but i jux cant..its selfish of me to do so as well...
i aso scared if he do my way n he fail, he may blame me for life..i duno want tt...currently i haven tot of anithin perfect at all yet...
---
at 1st i tell myself...okay...let him sign on..earn the money in army--one way study while serving, if gt chance get promoted which is gd...---2nd is sign on..earn the money in army, and discontinue sign on, come out study and get job....arghx!!!
tts y when he sms me in the morning sayin signin on is the best way n easiest way out...i told him to check n think if the prospect is gd..if its gd i dun mind...in army if u gt chance to study definately dey will promote u..n w higher education and w effort w correct attitude..u might survive even better inside den outside...BUT is provided ur sign on can gives u such prospect...
---
blogging is gd..at least wrds i duno how to say i can type it out...messy minds n tots can be somehow sorted better by bit by bit..mayb nt all but it helps...if baby see dix super long blog...talk to me bt how u feel n we'll discuss the problem again...reagrdless of chatting on phone, face to face, msn, sms nt prefer cox exp(but if bo bian nvm)..jus talk to me...if u nv see dix blog, i may talk to u bt it face to face..if nt..i aso duno....
~
End of tots for today

Jas@8:40 pm

Sunday, June 04, 2006

***sigh***

i m sick for a couple of days cox of gastric flu..feeling damn awful..eat anithin aso vomit..terribel feeling sia..

i jux read baby blog, i feel very...hmm..i duno how to say..jux say my mind my heart is in a mess..i really wanna noe wat had happen b4, he said he will tell me everythin one day but when will tt be?

he said he cant provide? cant provide wat? the most basic thing? is wat?
for me the most basic thing is love...is tt the thing he cant provide me..i dont dare to ask him .. cox i will nv get honest answer...he said he love me and i can only believe..i jux hope tt he really love me..n him to tell me everythin..

cox i knew nthin abt him...him n his past..everything...

sigh

Jas@9:27 pm