***what a day!***

Today been slpin whole day untill about 4+ in the afternoon systec call me to go for interview tml afternoon den wake up...
so tired...
so moody duno why..
till now till moody...arghx
duno how sia...

so fed up...fed up...fed up......!!!!!!!!



***Sigh***

So tired..stomach so pain..feeling so unwell...
I wanna shout I wanna get out of this life...

Jus sadded...feel bby is diff frm last time le..ppl change ba..i dont mind but
he has change to the extent tt i feel so neglected...
we have happy times we play around li kids..we are having fun we r loving we r happy
but recently he seems to neglect me alot...not willing to talk to me more..not willing to see me often..even we meet, he is so cold so distant...he doesnt talk much he kept so quiet..so unlike the time we used to have..
when i ask him, he say nothin, he say mayb tired mayb bad mood...but in the past he aso always tired...but we stil can play arund he can cheer me up i can cheer him up...but now is all diff...

i love him..n i m so sad by his changes...i wanna cry..he think of it as nothing but to me its alot...i m hurt...when he say i think too much...i didnt want to either..its jux his way of treating me...sigh..sobx

he goin in army soon...if he continues lidat..think we will be v distant n i m scared..i dont want tt to happen..he is v important..if i lose him i wont know wat to do...he is the only guy tt i want to be together for long..n the only guy my mom likes...which means alot to me....i wan to be blessed...i want to be loved....

bby i doubt u will get to see dix..though i wish u to see n understand how i feel by readin dix post..if u see dix bby..plx do sthing bt it can...i wan u always together..n we can be always happy n being together..n we wil be still as loving after u come put frm ns...

~End~



***I wish for luck =)***

About 5 hrs later, its gonna be my java exam. i am struggling to remember and understand.

Today feel seriously jialat, cried for 3-4hrs this afternoon till i flu and eye now cant even open well, very slpy..
I feel like dying or running away from home, i wanna study no more, i wanna drop out but i cant for my family sake. i dont wish to hurt my mom and disappoint her. And all i can do now is hang on and try my best to study..which i has no heart no motivation no interest in.. i can only hang on and struggle, no other option...

Baby very important in my life, though just only for a while, though he is damn tired, he accompany for awhile, letting me cry in his hug while he sayang me. Best part is he dont really question me about wat happen. i dont wish and dont wanna say, its jus regarding my studies.
idont wanna say cox i dont wan him to comfort me by words or give solutions...he wont understand i dont need tt..tts y i reluctant to tell him y...all i want from him is jus a hug some words so calm me down to show he care and he love...and thank god he did tt today...i m still stress out but better after his accompany...maybe he will be quite fed up w me or wat..but i still thank him for the silent hug he gave me today letting me jus to cry my heart out..to relieve abit...

i sick or watever go hospital faint...i plan to chiong studies all night le..though its still kinda hard for me to focus 100% in studyin but at least i did, i knew i did my part..jux wish me luck...no matter who no matter wat i jux need the luck the bless for me to pass this exam i have been so worried and struggled for this semester.

Continue to study now le...i will update this blog when i have abit of the time quite oftenly.. i need some place to talk..jus to type out to make myself more clear minded and calm....
thank to the ppl who created this thing call blog...i dont have a habit of keeping a diary, i lazy to write but i like to type..so this is a good place for me...as a comfort maybe..it may nt be a living thing but it helps me to calm myself down and i like it =)

To be continued... ...