***Life is Really like a show, a story, a song***

Was Trying to Slp but couldnt cause heart aches too much.

Suddenly remember the pilot show that shows on channel U that just ended recently.

The gal inside the show never realise how much she loves her hubby till she kiss the ex accidentally, but its all too late cause the hubby die le, only regret is left. Regretted that she never realise earlier, she loves the hubby all the while, she only tot she still love the ex but its not the case. If she had realise earlier, the hubby wont have left and die.

So sometimes some tv shows really reflects directly to whats's happening in real life..

Really hope my life story will be a happy and carefree one...



***True Love is Hard to Come By***

In life, its so hard to get true love. Some kind of love that the gal's heart only had the guy and the guy's heart only had the gal. Because of that power, they build their love stronger, making it very stable, thus building up mutual trust step by step, and so able to be honest with each other, able to share everything. Its hard to do that if its not true love. But true love not everything, on top of that, if no commitment and hard work is given in, true love will still be spoil by your own hands and just left to regret.

If she's the one, and I'm not.. I can only wish that you are happy.
Not everyone can find true love shared between 2 person, maybe never will I find one, I don't know. Even never will I find one, I'll just remember him forever, if he is happy, I will be contented.
Though I still wish for a little hope that he'll have only 1 person in heart and that person is me. But I am very inconfident



***I will Always Remember the Sweet Memories***

Jus now when I was bathing, I thought of a lot of things. Making me teared a lot during my shower.

It was so happy then, I will never forget that day, 18 Jun 2005 Saturday. We were at my favourite place. We sat there, keeping quiet, had some little chats, we hug, I kiss him, we held hands. Everything was wonderful, at that point of time I knew clearly I had already fell in love with him. As times goes by, no matter how many hurt I get, how many tears I had shed cause of him..the love deepen.

My love for him still continues deepen but making him stay by my side, its not love. Is wanting to conquer, I dont want that cause I really do love him.

Continues to think, our 1st meal is at Mac, at the Raffles place when we were having our lunch break, when working for roadshow. Our 1st movie, batman though I dont quite enjoy the show but I enjoy his shoulder when I was tired. Our 1st kiss at esplanade, I initiate it but it was nice, best kiss, he was shy with the kiss and somehow I still like it. It is still very sweet.

But all these more sweet memories is making me finding hard to lose him but I cant be selfish.



***I am Suffocating***

I am suffocating, Really. I tried to be calm and control my tears from falling but its just wont stop cox my heart is aching very very painfully.

Before I went to bathe just now, I told him that we’ll stop meeting for a while so that he will see his heart clearly. I cant accept him having 2 person in heart, yes maybe I m selfish but its me..

So I guess its the end, my heart is really breaking into million pieces.. tears flowing down like tap. He said he make his decision by choosing me but the decision is made with his mind, not his heart. I want him to be clear of his heart.

Allowing a time-break, for me is the same as leaving him already, I had no confident at all his heart will choose me, I am a very pampered gal, hard to please, etc. The only point I win over her is I wont die cause he smoke and I never ever force him to quit. But this is not love.
I had no confident at all, for so long even he never saw her or really contact her, he still loves her. And me someone who is always by his side..Because of this point, I pre-determined I have lost.
And he said being with me is very stressful, so I think I lost double.

I love him true & deep. I want him be happy. Be with someone he love deeply and truly, love someone that loves him as well. Now I finally understand why people say, if your love is true, you will let him go.

I love him, if his heart decides that it could allow only 1 person and that person is not me. I will let him go, I know its gonna be so damn painful, but I only want best for him. Because no matter how much I willing to do for him and sacrifice for him, I am not the only true love, its all of no point.