***Thanks~Sorry~***

Thanks to all that is worried about me..read my blog and send me some concerns and regards..i am fine.. i was just too sad at that moment when i wrote the blog..i am now fine..recently because of family, money, studies problem make me very moody and easily irritated...ventin my anger on alot of people recently esp bby..i feel guilty but i duno what to do..lets jux pray tt dix semester will pass by well..pass all den i can wrk to solve money problems which help abit to my mom burden..thats all i wish...
wish my bby dere to support and forgive me...
bby may nt have read dix but jux wanna let bby noe i am sorry..plx forgive my temper
plx do not ever lie to me again..it really hurts...the incident tt day hurts till now
though i may seems happy n alright but it really stil hurts...i think the hurt wont be able to recover in short time dix time round...nt like b4..it heal fast...i dont think the hurt dix incident cause will heal fast ba...
but i m tryin my v best to be strong for u...
know ur family aso alot problems.. wat i can do is try my best to be stonger so that u wont have to worry bt me..at least u wont be so tired...



***cryin ...***

there he on the phone with me..
act as nothin happen..
nothing to say to me at all..
i m so sad so hurt..
y doesnt he care at all..
i dont wanna quarrel animre..
it will be jux waste of my breath..
anithing i say he wont understand at all..
not a bit he understand
he dont noe how i feel..
how i wanted his care
at least
instead of pretending nothin happen
talk rubbish with me
den break promise in the future again n again
n continue pretend nothin happen
expect me everytime to happily response to him as if really nothin happen at all
as if all my tears my heart break is wasted is wasted
n if mylife was taken jux now it will also be wasted..
...



***i m stupid***

i knew this kind pain wil happen

long long time ago

b4 i even agreed to a relationship with him

when i broke up w jor

i told myself

gal

dont go into any more r/s

u will only get hurt

making ur life miserable

i ignore my own warnings

den i told myself

agree to this relationship is ok

love him

but only love a little

dont put everything in

dont love him so much

den u wont be hurt

but i ignored dis warnin again

letting myself fall deeper n deeper into it

its my retribution

i m navie

really navie

i tot if i love him more den a 100percent

at least he will love me a 100percent back

i m too navie

i not only love him so much

i care about him

worry about him

as much as well

but i wasnt appreciated

its my own fault

making myself so worthless

that he doesnt appreciate

doesnt feel i m precious

doesnt feel i m important...



***why***

why cant he say anithin better more comforting

to show that he care

in the end

i still cant let go off him

i love him too much

its too much

far too much

that i hate myself

its my heart to love him to much

causing my heart to break

soul to lost



***i m heart broken***

i called him

i didnt wait

i am a impatient person

he only say he is goin home soon
act as nothing happen
ignored my broken heart
my lost soul
my sadness
my tears
my life
my death

he doesnt care

he really doesnt care

he really doesnt

he doesnt

he doesnt

...

...

...



***waiting...thinking..struggling***

actually the little bit of time i m waiting
is him
to jux say
i love u
i m really sorry
i promise it wont happen again
and it really wont happen again
i will make sure i do it
i care for u alot
i didnt take u for granted at all
trust me
believe me

all i need is these
but he didnt
he know i have the heart to die
but he didnt care
he jux enjoy himself
thinkin everythin will be fine
he doesnt have to do anithin at all

now i m waitin for time to pass
pass
till the time i totally disappointed n no longer wished to wait
n jux leave...



***now OR not...dun wanna destroy my bro wedding cox of dix***

i am just sorry that i would hurt my mom
my family
my bro wedding

but i had totally no will to live at this moment...
no one can pull me back
i m still clear
clear that i sufferin from depression
but really feel nothin can make me live anymore

i tot my baby do this very well
pulling me back all this while
but he prove that he doesnt care as much as i tot
which makes me feel nothin is worth it animore
nothin worth that make me wanna have this torturing life animore..
thsi torture will not stop
it will jux continue n continue n continue untill the day i die...
so might as well i end it now



***it seems to be the end***

i try to.
i tried so hard to pull myself back.
think of solutions.

ALL for my baby sake.
but it seems he had take me for granted.

i still love him
but my soul is almost gone.
dont wished to live animore.

i continue and find solutions work hard
beacuse i love him
because i cant bear to leave him yet

but now it doesnt matter animore
even if i die he wont feel much
he will get back on his feet fast
cox i m taken for granted
cox of my love
cox i love him too much
makin him takin me for granted

mayb i m wrong to love him so much
mayb i m wrong
but its too late
i already love him too much

i wanna end off dix shit now
feel dere is nothin to make me continue so hard animore...



***CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!!!***

CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

I FEEL LIKE DYING NOW!!!

I HATE THIS LIFE!!!

I HATE MYSELF!!!

I AM SO DAMN LOST!!!

I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE!!!